Category: Dating and Relationships
I'm curious has anyone had a former partner tell all your secrets to their next current
partner? My ex boyfriend took it upon himself to tell his current girlfriend everything down
to our sex life. In my mind a gentleman never reveals such secrets for his current
girlfriend to use as ammunition to try to hurt his former girlfriend. Honestly I don't think it
showed tact in her favor in the first place because she was a former friend of mine, and it
breaks the girl code. Needless to say I'm humiliated, and heart broken by this situation.
Never had this happen to my knowledge; however, I have had a girl blatently warn a girlfriend against dating me. I'll tell you, that certainly started the relationship on a sztable foundation. Doesn't help that I was young then, and her warnings proved sound advice in the end, sadly. Gosh I was a douche. Also had a male friend hit on almost every girl I dated or was close to while we lived together.
Interesting post.
My first reaction was, how do you even know?
Seems to me it is tacky for a current to report on what her current has revealed to his X.
It also be tacky for him to have reported this to you.
That is what my first reaction was.
Secondly, I wondered if your X shared his past experiences with you when you started your relationship.
In the spirit of honesty, sharing, or talking about your sexual history, you talk about your x lovers.
The problems, the pluses, and things you learned from the relationship, and if it is sexual, things you enjoy or dislike because of a past lover.
Usually that information isn’t to divulge secrets, but to help, your current relationship.
It lets you and your current understand each other’s sexual needs and desires, or even problems if any.
You can avoid pitfalls sometimes, or at least understand why a current feels the way they do about a specific thing.
We are speaking sex, so that information could hopefully give you the information you need to make your current’s experience better, or keep you from making that same mistake.
So, a gentlemen share his sexual secrets, but only with his current not his friends, or past lovers about his current.
It is a chain of privacy, hopefully education and trust that continues, but should never go backwards.
The only way it would return, or should return, is you get back with that X and have to invite them in to the chain of privacy again.
Looks like someone violated the current's privacy here.
That is how I view this.
I should add, it goes true for things that aren't sexual as well.
History hopefully will be a teacher and make your next relationship better, so should be shared, but in private, and that should remain private.
What happened is his current girlfriend called me telling me telling me he never cared
about me, and how he thought he brought me to climax, and I didn't do the same. He
doesn't know all the details, and unlike him I'm a lady through and through containing
class. Let's just say I've had better sexual escapades in my life. I have to agree with a
comment a stranger said to me on Facebook. Of course you're going to say something
about the experience, but if you tell them every tiny detail something else is in play.
I’d say she has really violated that chain of privacy.
True, or false, it isn’t something she should discuss with you.
How did that happen anyway?
If my current’s X calls me and isn’t speaking about an emergency situation, his or her death, or children, I don’t need to hear what she or he has to say unless we are friends?
If we are friends, would my friend call me and tell me these things unless she or he doesn’t really care about the current?
Next, only you and him know the truth of the matter, right?
If I learned of that breach, I’d have to seriously think the current relationship over.
If she’s not shared her history, and he’s not learned from his past, you know exactly what she got, don’t you?
He (thought ) he brought you to climax?
If he isn't sure, well, that tells me something.
I just think it's quite ridiculous, vengeful, and unhealthy he told her every detail of our
relationship. This situation reminds me a bit of Pride and Prejudice where Wickerman
paints this elaborate story about Mr. Darcy because she already had a bad opinion of him.
It's fine my ex boyfriend can keep embellishing stories all day and night long. The people
who matter will never believe it, and honestly I know it's not true either. Some people
have to live off of other's pain because they're sadistic freaks. However, I'm not going to
let someone haunt me who only gave me empty promises. As Eleanor Roosevelt said "No
one can make you feel inferior besides yourself." Well it's something like that. Anyways,
you get my message I refuse to be bullied into feeling bad about myself.
That she cares enough to call you at all about this says far more about her than it does you.
Thank you for saying that. 😀 I'm just trying to get by from moment to moment. Just
doing simple things like listening to Mudvayne, reading Laurel K. Hamilton, writing,
playing with my Poodle Bear, and watching Malificent. I know this past relationship doesn't
define me, and I don't believe she's made such a fuss if she didn't feel threatened by me.
However, he should have never have spilled those details about me. This has definitely
taught me a hard lesson. As Shirly Manson from Garbage says "I say never trust anyone."
As well as "The trick is to keep breathing."
Yep I agree with Wayne in the way that some things need to be discussed, so as the current partner can understand him a bit better etc, as in with sex, and other general things, but no specifics about an Ex should be spoken about at all. I'm sorry this happened to you, OP. :( :(
Yes, the fact that she called you tells me she's feeling insecure and jealous of what you had.
Ouch, I'm so sorry you went through this.
I've only ever had one partner who was truly vindictive and incredibly cruel in what he chose to share with others. All I can say is that you move on and learn from your mistakes.
Typically those types of people are ones who are incredibly insecure and immature and you can definitely do better in life.
My ex hubby, did that. He said something that wasn't true. My mom took a call from him. She lives in a different state, than we do. His "Stirring The Pot," backfired, because, my mother told him, she'd come up to our state, and straighten him out. She said she didn't need her husband, or family. She'd do it herself.
I don't agree that my mother reacted well, but, he was spreading stuff, because, I couldn't trust him, and was trying to get me back. He started the mess, by telling someone else some stuff, and it came back to me. He was on with us, like a conference call. I didn't appreciate what was said, and asked where his friend got it from. Then, he retaliated by calling my mom. What a guy. I can sure pick them.
Laughing!
Blessings,
Sarah
I thank you all so much for the love. I'm doing my best to focus on other parts of my life,
but it still hurts like hell. I made this man the center of my world. I bought him several
presents, and food when didn't have any because he was diabetic. He never bought me
anything in return. My mom , and I would fight because she would see how much money I
was spending on him. He told her how my mom was on my bank account. Another piece
of information that wasn't her business, and she mocked me for it. There are so many
details I could reveal about them, but I'm not going to sink to their level. I'm not going to
laugh,and point fingers. I'm just stating I learned a lot from this relationship. It's going to
take me a long time to heal from it. It's primarily taught me to watch out for men who fit
the character of Mr. Wickerman, and to let go when I know the person is not for me.
The problem with your watching out, is you simply can’t.
Once you are in an intimate relationship with someone, and I mean sharing your body, thoughts, needs, desires, issues, and all, you cause a problem for yourself if you are constantly wondering about what they’ll say.
You never will be able to relax and enjoy the relationship fully if you guard yourself in that manner.
You also won’t tell your next current important things that could matter in the health of your relationship.
I understand it bothers you, but the fault, plain, is on his current for violating the privacy.
What if you think about it in a different light?
You know what she has, she’s going to need to find out.
You also know the truth about the whole situation, and she only has what she was told, or what her current believes to be so.
Last, if the past relationship wasn’t par anyway, what she said isn’t what hurting you, it is what he thinks about you that is hurting you.
If you think about it as his problem, because you also have things you know about him that aren’t so savory, or as you see them, then you are equal with him.
? Don’t allow her to waste your emotional time on something you can’t fix, nor can she get anymore traction from if you don’t allow it.
Once you let it go, her power has been lifted from you.
Keep letting it bother you, you are giving her exactly what she wants, the power over you to make you suffer.
Hopefully talking about it here will help you let it go.
I've let it go. He's my past. I just refuse to make similar mistakes in the future. I need to
be with someone I never question if they reciprocate my feelings. I'm done talking about
this topic. I'm ready to focus on other goals.
This is cliché but so true. every single relationship teaches you something about yourself, that including trust and picking the right partners for you.
I'm glad you've been able to move on. As you say, it's in the past now. :)
Yes he's no longer worth mentioning. As Veruca Salt says "It's over now what a way to go
no one ever even has to really know cause he was just another bloody so and so"
Exactly. No go back to doing that voodoo that you do so well...
Aaaaand ... that was Salt and Peppa. And it fit so well, too. . Well there goes a punch line.
LOL thanks for clarifying the voo doo comment. 😜 For the record I met my ex on here
three years ago. Another friend of mine bought him a plane ticket to Kentucky, but things
didn't work out with them either. So, she cancelled things after not hearing from him for
forty eight hours; however the ticket remained in his name. So, the day after my birthday
inApril I got him to the air port with Uber promo codes. I got him to the bus station with
Lyft codes. Well near his departureI found out he didn't have the money for the bus ticket,
so I paid that, and thankfully my mom drove us to the bus station. My mom bought him
snacks for the trip, and gave him twenty dollars. After all of the good, nice things I did for
him he's still trash talking me to his current girlfriend telling her I'm saying she's jealous
of me. Which by their standards is a fat red head. Guess what? Thanks to him trying to
convince me I'm bi polar I'm trying to go off a medication, and can barely eat. All I want
to do is move on with my life, and actually be a productive citizen not worry about this
any longer. He needs to accept fault for what he's done, and stop classifying me as the
villain.
I think it is no one busness to know that info.
Yes well he supposedly only stayed with me for the last three months, so I wouldn't harm
or kill myself. Ladies guard your hearts from the sociopathic men on here. A lot of them
claim to be wolves when they're coyotes. You can't change a liar, or the stripes on a tiger.
Be careful who you reveal your secrets to on here. Because sighted or sightless you're
probably going to die from the toxicity. People on here who can seem out of this world on
the net, and the phones, but watch what happens when you bring a freak from the zone
home, and it's not Halloween. I promise you there are predators talking to you now.
Here's a Psychological fact the average person walks past seven psychopaths each day.
Makes you wonder how many you talk to online each day. Pretenders never deliver folks.
Stop hiding who you truly are, and admit to your crimes. Karma will catch up with you in
this or the next life. I'd rather reach self actualization, and experience Nirvana. Sure Kurt
Cobain was Nirvana for the ears. However, I want paradise after I pass these mortal
years. I'm not saying I won't accept blame, but I'm not the one who pretended to intend
to have a future only to run away. I'm not the one who shunned love when life got too
tough. Perhaps, I did wish for a different life, but not one without you in it by my side.
Again ladies guard your hearts dearly. A lot of men are untruthful and uncanny.
What can i say, i guess when i hear about stories like this, i always get so
sad, sad because well of course you feel for the person it have happened to,
but also sad for the person who is causing the first person hurt. To want to
make your self better than someone else, like this, y'all gotta have it bad.:(
I am to a degree with Pixie about the males in here. And i have not yet
decided if it is bad or good. But girls lets be really honest with each other, the
most guys in here on the zone, are after your body, especially one part of
your body, you guessed which part we are talking about right? it is not your
eyes, it is not your head, it is not that soft mane, it has got to do with hair
however, Pussy, is the word, y'all looking for.
Pixie said this her self , inviting a guy home is no dance in the moonshine, i
will explain this with a little story of my own cut short.
When i join i start talking to a guy on Skype, never mind who, we talk back
and forth, stuff goes fine, but something kinda bucks me. He is like 25ish, and
still living home.
A couple of months ago, i find out that , yes he is still living home. Would i
wanna take him home?
I may be naive and flighty sometimes, and silly too, granded, but not even I
am that stupid.
No thank you I say, take some of the more naive girls , cause this one it
won't be.
And this have nothing to do with me being too snobbish, not at all. Blind,
sighted, don't matter for me.
Can only say the same as Her, Girls, take care who you give information out
to, cause Mr Wolf is waiting in the forrest, waiting to eat y'all.
I could debate that thought about men with my own side.
If you're all up to it I will.
If this is a one sided board, I'll leave it be only because I can see she was hurt.
I do wonder why he felt he needed to protect her from harming herself however?
Sense you've made that public, what was that all about?
first to 4x4, i think i see how this is ending, you will tell us girls that not all
males are like that , i do agree with you as a matter of fact, but finding the
rare and nice one is like finding a barn cup in the deep south.
I am not saying that a lot of sighted guys are better, I guess i am just slowly
coming to the solution that cock on males are not worth it , at least for me.
No, I’m not.
What I'd say is I think men get a bad rep.
I think the reason for this is mis understanding, not that we are dogs, unemotional, coyotes, pigs, wolfs, and all the other things applied to us.
I'm not going to say all men aren't like that, and I also disagree with it being hard to find a good one.
Are all women that get hurt, feel hurt, good when relationships break up?
Did they do the right things, and are at no fault at all?
All men want is pussy and women aren’t at all interested in giving them some in the least?
Men are predators and after women enjoy the sex, but the relationship ends become nothing but good fucks?
If the sexual relationship was bad, or mediocre, women have no fault in that too, he was just not a good lover?
They gave heart, things, love, and he just stepped on them, so now they have to warn all women to guard your hearts.
I read, hear, and have experienced this so often, it’s getting old ladies.
Men have needs too, other than pussy, and maybe, just maybe you bear some responsibility in why a relationship doesn’t work.
If you are in need of emotional, financial, spiritual, or whatever support, you need a friend.
That friend can be male sure, but not a man that is interested in you physically.
If you receive support from a man that is interested in you as a woman, after he wipes your tears, blows your nose, supports you emotionally, he is going to want a woman to give him herself, plus.
That plus has nothing to do with pussy at all.
We men need our tears wiped, noses blown, emotional support too.
If a relationship is only about sex, you, who claim to be women know this very well. You are not brainless children.
Obviously you didn't read the part about taking blame myself. Only I and the man I dated
know the circumstances, and I'm done talking about it. I truly wish him all, and that's the
end.
I am or was not speaking about you specificly.
I am speaking broadly, generly.
I did post due to the total sum of the board though, not just the last few post.
males wolves? = dogs, = collar, with a name tag on it , ^.^. happy that you
at long last see y'all true nature.
financial support? excuse me , but what a fucking laugh. I am not saying it
doesn't exist, but personally i have never heard about it:)
this is like a country song, seen from the Keytarists view if y'all got my drift,
same chords, okay, with different tones, but still.
Giving pussy? but why not? body have needs, like yours does, I'm not sure
there is a remotely happy conclution to this,
i'm sorry for the original poster.
But I have to agree with Wayne. We all need to watch out when a whole demographic of people are dehumanized as saying "All they want is ..." and such.
How would you feel if someone started saying things about women the way you're speaking about men? This question was asked of racists who used to use your exact words except for blacks only. When you throw all of us under the bus, you give those who truly are despicable people a free pass. I know it's popular, I know everybody's doing it, and some of the same men you claim are after yu for one thing will show up and try and tell you how different they are.
Again, these types of statements are what people do when they're attempting to dehumanize a whole group of people. These are the same tactics Donald Trump uses when talking about Mexicans and muslims and others. Including women, by the way. Is that the company you want to keep?
I’d like to clarify a couple of points.
If a woman needs a friend, that is what she should seek.
That person can be male.
If she seeks a friend lover, the man that is interested in the same thing is going to want sex from her as well as be her friend.
After he’s dried her tears, wiped her nose and she’s settled again emotionally, the man is still sexually interested.
Her emotional state doesn’t change this.
You can’t blame the man for wanting all of her, the good and the bad, can you?
Hi, so okay, what i should have said, was not all are like this but 99.99%
Thats fine with me, maybe a little too anal, but still fine :)
what does the most call a girl if she is as sexually active as the most single
males? many calls us sluts?
4x4, i am not saying you are wrong, i am not saying Leo are wrong either,
but honest to god,at least in scandinavia the most males are pigs, but ill stop
now, this is getting real old, real fast.
Leo, I agree with you, but I want to bring one thing to the table here.
I was having a discussion with Meglet awhile back, and she was making generalized statements a bit. Not to anywhere near the same extent as displayed here, but she still was. I didn't like this, and I brought it up. We kind of got into an argument about it. Nothing serious.
But then I was talking to a male friend of mine, and he brought up something interesting. He said that in today's current culture, men are being asked to very carefully couch what they say about the behaviour of people who aren't in their group, while other people in other groups aren't being asked the same. He pointed out that for most women/most feminists, they make the same arguments so many times, to so many different people, that having to be extra-special careful with their language quickly robs the points they're trying to make of all of their force. He also opined that, essentially, they make statements like "men are" or "women are" because they believe it should be assumed that not -all men or -all women are in that group.
So it becomes a particular issue. Now if I hear someone saying "men are jerks", I try and put it in context. Is this an oft-professed point from the mouth of an intelligent person who knows that not all men are in fact jerks? If so, I'm not going to argue the language, because it distracts from the point.
However, if that self-same person goes out of their way to say that "-all men are jerks", then I'll take issue.
But the whole point here is that I have been guilty of nitpicking language, and nitpicking straight-up right and wrong, irrespective of context, and it took me awhile to realize it. Right and wrong don't exist in a vacuum and neither does the language we use.
Most intelligent people know that not all or even most men are pigs, but we know that many of them are. Just as we know that many women are emotional, or many dogs are furry, or whatnot. I try and take it in context. But I agree with the point you made about sweeping generalizations giving the bad among a group an easy pass. If everyone gets tarred and feathered, then no one learns.
When or lose, I see it as a fault on both sides.
When attacked however, I’m going to defend my group.
Mis understanding, or control I believe have much to do with this attitude.
I’d say on the miss understanding part, couples don’t sit down and discuss why for example it seems a man just wants pussy.
We don’t talk about the emotional aspects women are claimed to have.
They don’t discuss needs, feelings, they only say what they want.
On the control side, people want to control what the mate feels, says, does, and many times when they will be available emotionally and physically to the mate.
I read on Facebook the other day a woman saying she felt she had to teach her man to be the man she wanted him to be.
She believed that a man required training and through training, he’d become a good mate.
I have heard this suggestion many times, and it’s flat out wrong.
Pressure is applied in relationships, and when it isn’t working, well, all you wanted from me is dot dot dot.
If you give something, sex, money, material goods that should be the reason, to share with someone, and to enjoy the pleasure of that gift.
A gift should never come with a price tag on it.
Personally, if I do something, or give someone something, myself included, I do so to bring them pleasure, and to share that pleasure with them.
If my gift is received in that spirit the person will naturally give back, not out of obligation, but want.
Seems to me when you’ve got that type of give and take in a relationship, when it is over, if it happens to get over, it is really hard to think back on it and complain about all you did.
When you do think back, all you’ll remember is how much pleasure it was and satisfying.
Sure, you’ll know the reason it came to an end, and hopefully that ending was peaceful.
Sort of like buying an ice cream cone.
You exchange your money and you get your ice cream.
You lick it and suck on it and go MM until you finish it.
You eat the cone, and lick your lips.
You can feel and taste that pleasure for a while.
At no time to you complain, I purchased that ice cream, and damnit, it didn’t last.
I should add.
I understand my views on relationships are odd, but I've come to them after a long time.
Plus, I just don't feel they have to be stress filled or whatever.
I know emotions are complicated, and when you add sex to that mix it gets worse, but it really shouldn't need to be.
Greg I can see that. I'm 45 now and have heard the men-are-pigs mantra for my entire life.
Not only this, but the young people now talk about us in the same light as we talked about people from the 1950s, or people who expected quid pro quo from a woman at the workplace, something that was relegated to the textbooks when I was in high school.
Since they can't tell the difference, why bother anymore? That doesn't mean I'd become a pig; I'm not one, people's inabilities to distinguish pig from person notwithstanding. Even if I wanted to be a pig, I'd be a failure at it because I'm not one. Not that I wish to be so, mind you.
I don't argue with people who do that anymore, but I do get the hell out, advice I'd have for any black man dealing with a white supremacist. Same situation really; one can't do anything good enough for the other party in that situation.
Someday, Greg, and I hope to whatever gods might be available that I'm wrong, but a younger Meglet will call you a misogynist, not for doing something evil, but for doing something you've learned in recent years to be the right thing. I don't mean she'll just tell you what's changed; anybody could understand that. It's the vitriol, the poison, and yeah, I'll say it, looks like hate to me.
I'm not stuck in some old way. Frankly, I didn't even understand the guys who were, guys my grandfather's age who have been dead now for at least 20 years. Due to what I am, I kind of doubt I ever will be that, at least ideologically. So someone coming along, maybe a trans person and explaining something like cisgendered? Cool. Now I know. But someone from the feminist or white supremacy camp coming along with vitriol and hate, referring to me as a misogynist, race traitor, any other name full of poison that has nothing to do with anything I've done, and sometimes even doing so after I followed their own movement's advice, (not the supremacist), there is no going back.
Ironcially, I really do help peple as a volunteer, and I have to say, the real people who need help aren't acting this way at all. Some single mom or something needs food, probably gets flea shit from the government for a benefit, I don't know. People like that will tell you what they need or want, you can pitch in and give them something, and be on your way.
I just have no time or space for the poison people anymore.
See this is where you all are not understanding the words we are saying to you. We do not
want to call you bad names such as chauvinist male swines, or emasculate you. As
Sheperd Wolf pointed out not every male fits into this post. So, if I've offended anyone
besides the person I wrote this about I'm sorry. However, if I hear about my ex boyfriend
trying to hook up with any other females because of wanting the next best thing
financially I will reveal his identity, and the foolish games he plays for money. I believe
women on here can be female chauvinist female pigs. However, I agree with Sandy it's
not fair we're referred to sluts, and men are allowed to sew their wild oats. No a
relationship shouldn't be viewed like an ice cream cone. My grandparents were married for
over fifty years. So, you men can try to rationalize relationships anyway you want to, bout
without love it means absolutely nothing. Sure it's fun for a while, but any real woman
who isn't Psychologically deranged wants romance, the moon and stars, she wants your
heart not your dick. She wants to be loved, held, kissed to toes curl, and never let be go.
If you can't get that through your thick heads I feel sorry for your significant others, your
mothers, and your sisters, and any other female relatives.
I agree that a sexual relationship is meaningless without love equally from both persons in the relationship. Good sex can be pleasurable for a while, but when a person needs emotional or spiritual support as we do as humans from time to time, it's not likely that the person with whom we are having only a sexual relationship without really sharing love will be the one person we can count on for that support. Life is more than sharing intimacy for pleasure only. It also means sharing the good and the bad, the triumphs and the sorrows and joys. That's my definition of love. So in my opinion, in choosing to have a sexual relationship without allowing time for friendship and love to develop naturally,the risk of not having that special bond that provides for emotional and spiritual support is much greater than if time were allowed. Sometimes, we just have to take responsibility for our own impulsive choices. I'm speaking in general, not specificly to Pixie's situation.
well, this is certainly getting interesting. And while i can see where 4x4 is
coming from, i find it curiously interesting to see that so few males step up
and answer on this.
But an ice-cream cone? is this something that drips all the time when the lips
touch it? or is gone when i am done nibbin' at it?
It happens that i have hair other places than between my legs, and i am
absolutely crazed for having it , pulled, tucked softly, manipulated in all the
ways you can possibly imagine. I didn't take the Drs education, nursing fit
my feminine idealism better at that time, so lets leave it to the Drs to explain
what neuro transmitters can do to the human body.
Okay, ill share some of the light it has to do with dobamine, oxitocin, and a
few others, ill imagine I'm to much of an airhead to have forgotten.
Leo, i am not a transgendered female, am born intersexual so can and shall
happily explain to you what cis-gendered means,
Cisgender is a term for someone who has a gender identity that aligns with
what they were assigned at birth.
Trans means the opperside, Intersex, can be many things. Come to think
about it , and that admittedly took me sometime, Intersex = key tar, best of
both worlds, but can menic a drednaut, perfectly and beautifully. Weather the
person becomes this and that , is up to the individual person.
I don't give a fuck, i think males and female are , just fundamentally different
in the way we think. Behave, and act.
For under 30 minutes ago i shall move a j3 from one ap too another, 4 miles
away, that is for them mathematically challenged, in case i am wrong 8
kilometers, to put it simply.
Roll out goes fine, climb out however starts fine, but ends in the pilot = me
taking a fast decision about returning to the airport I came from, in short, my
engine was not putting out its full rpm, and it was surging up and down in
power application, to go back to 4x4s analogy, i like pumping, or being
pumped, but my throttle is not one of them, at least not at climb out.
Evantually i declare an emergency, ban, to start with, becuae I'm sure that i
can reach the airport with the amount of engine power i have, i am flying at a
course at 280, so the airport is at my 6 a clock, and i am out over the water
at this point. The observant person here have realized that i of course at least
have to come over on course 90, right, meaning decreased lift on my outer
wing, meaning , faster rate, down towards the water.
But it doesn't really stop there, because in order for me not to be flown down
by some fucking Airbus i have to go all the way around and come in from the
correct side, the correct angle, at the right speed, at the right rate, this
means , an engine i can use at small fast bursts, and for a very short amount
of time. Of course i came down, I always do.
After i land , i roll too a stop at the other end of the runway, but over hear
one of the boys say over the radio, Did y'all see that piper cub come in?
yes, it was sandra.
wow, i never knew a female could be so controlled.
She always is.
Always? i bet y'all i can make an situation where she aint.
yeah, she is pretty levelheaded, that one.
well it wouldn't be her head i was interested in, or if it was, it would be her
mouth "guys laugh"
I have never personally met a female who would think like that , have on the
other side thankfully had relationships with many who's first thought would be
, "Is sandi, okay?"
But then, again, it is most likely the reason i have the same relationship to
money as R&R has to Horsepower,
"tosses head and waves cheerfully"
Yes, interesting.
I used the ice cream cone as a way to describe a relationship that was good, but ended.
It wasn’t meant to mean relationships are like ice cream cones.
Some do last, but unfortunately even these that are love based sometimes end.
Just because a relationship has love, and lots of it, doesn’t mean it will last forever.
In the event it doesn’t, hopefully you can look back on it and say, wow, that was a good space in my life.
Sure, you’ll have some negative reason why it ended, but hopefully, you’ll not be able to state the whole of the relationship was just horrible.
If you spend time in a horrible relationship, you really waste your life as to you could be enjoying something good.
For myself, I don’t require love for a relationship to be meaningful. I need good friendship, and a measure of caring.
Seems if a relationship starts out on this bases, and you are truly good friends, if it is meant, the love will come, if not, you still had something, and the sex was meaningful, not nothing.
This is a silly question, but I’ll ask it anyway in the spirit of understanding and learning. .
My question is not meant to mean all women feel this way, or a blanket statement about women.
My question is targeted to these statements in post 38.
Any real woman
who isn't psychologically deranged wants romance, the moon and stars, she wants your
heart not your dick. She wants to be loved, held, kissed to toes curl, and never let me go.
Two parts. I understand the closeness that comes from all the above, and I too appreciate it much, however.
Suppose a man does all this, but he’s just not a good lover at all. In fact, he’s not interested in sex at all, but he’s healthy, so doesn’t have any medical or other issues as to why he doesn’t want, or care about sex.
Would that be okay, and you’d have no complaints at all?
How can you be sure all relationships start out with love or have love when you decide to be intimate?
My second part.
A man gives you all this attention, and that makes that man want you physically. You don’t want his dick, right?
Is it so wrong of him to tell you, look, I am giving you all the attention you require, so now I really want to tell you I just want you physically?
I need you to supply me with plenty physical love, and I want to be able to ask and receive, not be put on a schedule of when you feel like it.
You make me drool, and I think about you, so I simply want your body, and enjoy it much
I’m a man, no apologies, and up to now, all that romance, moon and stars, kissing of toes, and such makes my temperature blood pressure, heart rate and all rise, and I have this problem of wanting some relief.
A temporary healing, because it is a disease understand.
I’ve had this sickness since I was around 11 or 12 years old.
Maybe in the future, I’ll be cured of it, but right now.
Again, I’m a man and can understand the first part, so why is my side so bad?
Simple answer to your question, Wayne. Most relationships do not start out with love before we as humans want to be intimate. In fact, very few do unless it is a miraculous case of love at first sight. That's why I believe it is very important to spend time getting to know each other , to work on building trust and developing genuine friendship first. Even then intimate love is not necessarily the outcome. Love is a really special emotion that some people are never able to feel. But this I can say from my own personal experience, when it does come, there has been no doubt as to what emotion I am feeling. It provides an overwhelming feeling that is so pleasureable especially when that feeling is shared with another person. Add intimacy and sex into the picture and it can be wonderful. Yes, sex is pleasureable too, but why settle for less than the whole package?
You don't have your sight because you were meant over come an obstacle placed in your
life by God. There are many lines of scripture in the Bible stating suffering makes us
stronger with perseverance, which grants us passage into heaven. You still don't
understand the point Sandy, and I are trying to make with this topic. We want to be in
relationships, partnerships, roles with equality. We're tired of being lied to when we take
on ninety nine percent, and the male takes on one one percent. Now I'm not saying he's a
gold digger, but he's not messing with no broke women. If you're going to mess around
with a male fool lay down a contract of ground rules. If you want to keep your assets, and
you're not dumb then you'll demand a prenup.
The first couple of lines of this last post are so totally out of touch with...well, with everything else in the thread from what I can see, that it made me do a doubletake.
You know why bad things happen? Because bad things happen. Sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes you just get shit on by the universe.
As far as suffering making us stronger? Tell that to a five-year-old dying from leukemia in a hospital bed while her parents are standing attendance. I double-dog-dare you.
There is no doubt that suffering and adversity can teach valuable lessont. It can. But it doesn't have to, and it won't for all of us. And all this concept of some so-called god and a so-called holy book dictating the terms? Prove it or drop it.
On the subject of the meaning of things, I'll quote the band Rush.
Why are we here? Because we're here. Roll the bones, roll the bones.
Why does it happen? Because it happens. Roll the bones. Roll the bones.
Lalady, I agree with you almost completely here, by the way.
Leo, maybe I explained badly but I think you missed the boat a bit on what I was saying.
For one thing, I know Meglet well enough even still to know she's not going to make the really sweeping generalizations you're talking about, but I wouldn't tolerate it if she (or anyone else) did.
I was talking mostly about the casual generalizations, the ones where if you speak up, the other person says something like, "Well of course not every x does y", in a manner that suggests this should've been obvious and probably was.
No suffering doesn’t make you stronger, it just hurts like hell.
What makes you stronger is to understand why you are suffering and if possible, doing something about it, so you don’t suffer anymore.
That in love means having yourself centered.
If you are centered, if someone lies to you, or tries to gold dig you, and whatever, you won’t suffer, because you only give what you want to give.
You fall in love with a man that gives you the same in kind not with the passing liar.
You don’t run around trying to find someone to fulfill you, because you are already fulfilled, you just want someone to enjoy life with.
How can you ask for an equal partnership if you don’t have anything to put in the pot but your misery, need, helplessness?
That passing liar doesn’t make you wonder how you can get over him, or the hurt, because you never gave him much to start with anyway.
You are centered, and you can see the good that came out of every relationship, even if it didn’t last, or wasn’t good for whatever reason.
Basically, you love yourself.
If you love yourself, you are able to give love to another, and without all the restrictions.
Now, if we are going to the Bible, what does it instruct couples do for each other?
My question got ducked. If you want a man to give you all the stars and moon and romance, if he’s a healthy man, he’s going to want you in return.
No, sex isn’t the price you pay for the stars and moon/romance, it is the gift you willingly give.
A women dresses nice, makes herself smell nice, and expects a man not to be sexually turned on by that even if he doesn’t love her?
It isn’t natural.
The first line of attraction is what he sees, hears, smells, and touches. He can’t know if he loves her yet, because he hasn’t spent any time with her. Nature tells him she is a physical turn on.
Now, if he wants her, at that time he brings the moon stars, and kisses her to her toes, and sometimes that leads to love as well, but not always.
I strongly believe a loving relationship is built on a strong and healthy friendship, not a needy situation.
You have the strong and healthy friendship, and you add some sex to that and continue that strong friendship, you will get to love, but if you don’t, you aren’t lacking, because the strong friendship is still strong.
That goes for both sides of a relationship, not just the woman’s.
I care deeply for my lover friends even if I don’t get that love feeling, and if I do feel that feeling Lalady describes, that strong friendship makes it even sweeter.
If I have the need to support a needy, helpless and emotional unstable thing in my life, I can just get a dog.
The dog will even be emotional stable, but will need me otherwise.
And before I’m jumped.
Sure, we all have obstacles in our lives that cause us to need some emotional, and spiritual support, however, if you come to the table needing these things, you don’t love the person, you’re just using them to make yourself feel better.
If that person succeeds, gets a little sex, and material gifts, he/she can call it fair payment for services rendered.
That sounds cold, but it is the facts.
Unless they enjoy people who suffer, love won’t be built on that kind of foundation.
A person in need of emotional and spiritual support needs a friend, not a friend/lover.
Yes, Lalady, you have a point.
I agree.
It's not my job to make you believe in God or Jesus Christ. I did not write the Bible, and
no life is never fair. However, when you willingly come up to me surveying I make a good
living, and only want me for my bank account then there is a problem with the situation.
Honestly I've gotten the best part of this site now. I have thick skin, so from now on I'm
going to sit back, and laugh at the fools on here. Because I promise you the father, the
son, and the Holy Spirit do exist; they have a purpose for the way things happen, and if
you think this is hell just wait for the real thing. Repent in the name of the lord because
this life is meaningless compared to the after life. I could care less what some people on a
chat line who do not know me think of me. Go ahead pick Christianity apart at the seams.
It has no relevance on my faith or belief. Remember this though you reap what you sew.
Hi, i think, and remember this is my believe, that suffering is subjective, from
person to person.
It is like pain, some is at 10, others is at 5, that is for the same operation.
Yes, bad things does happen, and that is when you kick that organ into gear
called your brain, but y'all know what? persons today is like , y'all gotta take
care of me, dead wrong , Manno, y'all gotta take care of your selves, you an
adult after all, right? fine, you need my support, and you will get it , want me
to hold you while you cry , fine too, but you are the one who have to reach
your decisions on y'all own, not me.
It is kinda funny how Cancer is being brought to the table, fine ill comment
on it, maybe it is just me but i know that when i was diagnosed with cancer, a
fuckload of stuff starting going through my pretty lil head, like, why me? i
pretty fast stopped that line of thinking.
After that i called on a couple of friends, the guys was , Sandra, y'all gutta be
fine. Problem was, still is, actually , when small i was abused with needles.
with, electrify in them, I am not kidding i will rather land an airbus WNEP,
than being awake when needles is used on me,
I can tell you what those parents have properly done, either , move on, or 2
died, mentally, but you can believe this or not , god, helps people in
situations like this. Why you ask, because we believe in him.
Eventually they found out it wasn't cancer i was being diagnosed with, i tell
y'all did i blow a fuse.
back on suffering, eventually as some have seen in chat i just lost all sight,
how the hell that will change my life, i have no idea, i know what it won't ,
though, stop me from reaching my goals.
4x4, as you said , i mostly, fly the planes from the desc, guess what, it could
be you making those 3 grand a month, because , funnily enough, it was
exactly what i did too, when i had sight.
When i lost my sight this shrink showed up, and was like, you are gunna go
on pention, right , Sandi?
I was like, the day i do this i will have to kill my self, not kidding, i will rather
sell my body than have others pay for me, i realize everyone is different
about this, and that is okay, but since i don't really see blindness as a
handicap with the technology we have today, yes, that is me.
But, yay, you have 2 groups of people on this website, these who is capable
of getting off their asses, and do something about their situations, and these
who don't. Okay, i will make it 3, you also have those you can't, for health
related issues, okay, so, you can't do anything right now, maybe you can in
the future.
eWWWWW, i know what 4x4 is saying, i think it is here females and males
are a little different, we girls being more emotional, you know you can meet a
man, and fall head over heels for him. Yet you know that , fine he have
problems so you try to help, i mean you do have a strong interest and caring
abilities for your surroundings, yes? It is called empathy.
I only agree with one thing you are saying. If you love your self with all you
are , chance is others will, too.
for example, when i was sick, my at that time Bf left me for dead, he actually
later admitted this. Why if i was diagnosed with cancer, i could not longer help
him with money.
I am not saying the sex or anything else was not amazing , because it was
pretty nice. But, no never Again, so as Minks have said countless times, what
we are saying is not all men are like that , but many are , so drop your pitiful
whimperings about being misunderstood, hate against black people and hate
about males in general.
We have 2 Black Males on the ATC team and i dare y'all to tell me they are
less than any white fucktard we got in the tower, imagine this, i know you
properly can't, cause i can't barely do it my self, so how can you, you have 2
girls coming in at 100 Kts, 4 miles away you have a boeing coming in at 180
Kts. Yes, you got it , the boeing will give the Cessna one fucking hell of a blow
job.
it is not about gender, it is deftly not about , race or color, but when you have
seen stuff one to many times, y'all start to believe in it. And i guess that is
where me and Minks are.
I'm not sure how we got to religion, but we did.
I am a strong believer in God, but I don’t have a title, like Christian. I don’t need one.
The God I love doesn’t dole out suffering to make you stronger. Suffering is self-inflicted, or naturally caused, or the doings or humans, but isn’t the hand of God.
This topic I taught was about love, sex, relationships.
I can see how some add religion to that.
If your religion teaches a specific brand of how to relate, that can be a struggle for couples that don't have the same teachings.
If we strip religion from the equation we are left with basics.
An individual needs to give what they wish to receive.
Reap what you sow.
Sure, you’ll run in to takers, but that shouldn’t stop you from giving.
If the taker doesn’t give back then you understand you aren’t compatible.
Being not compatible shouldn’t be devastating, only instructional.
You want to add God in this mix?
The God I love wishes for us to get up in the morning, because we are blessed with a new day, wash our faces, smile, and get on with life. Live happy, not in sorrow, suffering, and emotional darkness.
If tomorrows not promised to us, we waste all that precious time wallowing in self-inflicted pain when we could be sharing pleasure, peace, and love with someone else.
God tells me to love as I’d love myself.
And here’s where my beliefs get strange to others.
If we are putting God in this mix, then my lovers don’t belong to me, they are God’s.
If that be sow, then they are with me because they want to be, not because they belong to me.
I waste both our precious time trying to make them love me, stay with me, need me.
By doing this, I cause us both pain, not just myself, and that’s not loving at all, is it?
We aren’t to be jealous, selfish, spiteful, controlling, we are to love freely, right?
If that be so, when my lover stops wanting me, I am to let her go with grace, love, and affection, because she has her life to live.
If she be with me for life, it is because that is what she has chosen, not what I’ve forced on her.
A lover that wants you in my book, is a wonderful person to experience love with.
God has given me Bourbon, a computer, and match.com
I am to close the door, pour a shot, sit down, and find me a new one, right?
Just kidding.
Smile.
I really like both of the posts after mine. You're both completely correct. I have found
someone else who makes me ecstatically happy. So, even though my last relationship was
a total farce filled with only sorrow you're correct I did at least learn a valuable lesson
from it. I brought in religion because I do label myself as a Christian, and I believe God
has me on the right path now. I only wish my ex hadn't been a final show down to prove
deep down I'm not a monster I'm merely a woman who's had bad luck with men. There
are great males out there, but the ones who always want to be taken care of only to
neglect their partner is becoming more common vastly. I don't know. All I know is I'm
over my ex; however if he asks my best friend Sandy to hook up for money again, so help
me God I'll reveal every nasty secret he owns. Women aren't bank accounts with female
anatomy parts. I'm not going to let some freaky looking memory lacking back stabbing
gnome hurt me or anyone else who is far too clever for him get caught in his web.
Hmm so first she was a witch with magical powers, now she's a christian.
Okay time for me to chime in. If past information is used as a weapon it's stupid but that line about gentlemen is just shit. I think we all see that as a fantisy. I'm no prude nor is my wife one and if gord forbid things didn't work out and she found someone else nothing should stop us from telling the world how it all went down. Sheesh.
Seriously Matt??? You go out of your way to be nice to me constantly,but you're going to
bring up my past?I was raised Christian Matt. I come from Kentucky, so yes I'm a
southern bell. I've seen people on here respond to the drama thread violently, and thank
the good lord I didn't grow up blind getting an education at a school for the blind. If I had
I wouldn't understand social cues where once you grow up you stop playing the
teleephone I've had blind people tell me it's the same with sighted people. Honestly no 's
not at all. Sure people gossip about you, but in the sighted world you're maybe a five
minute conversation, where as in the blind community your a topic for days or longer. I
guess it's where most sighted people have jobs, commitments, and things to do instead of
sitting on their asses with their tongues flapping about people and events they don't know
on a personal level. All right I'll let you go back to your discussions on a woman you'll
never know who is fucking awesome. You'll never know all my secrets, but I know I don't
need this in my life. I have bigger problems than those who lack the courage to leave the
computer screen behind, and strike out on their own not being defined as blind. I will
follow my dreams, and it may take some time to get there. However,if this is the type of
treatment I'll receive from callow, craven, cruel individuals no thank you. I'm sorry I tried
to have an adult discussion with sightless people who don't understand respect.
You know what? I did respect you until you started spouting your "repent or you'll go to hell." Yes, I'm paraphrasing there.
Sorry for offending you Matt, but in Christian society it's taught that way. Does it mean it's
true? Only our ancestors could tell us the answer. Do I think everything is black and
white? No I do not; however when you purposefully hurt someone I believe it's evil.
Honestly Matt there's so much you nor ninety nine percent know about me on this site. I
need hope right now, so I will not give up my faith in Christ. If it offends you I believe God
can perform miracles if you merely confess your sins, and Jesus Christ is your lord and
savior that's your choice. I do not have a gun held to your head forcing you to believe now
do I? However, it's my duty as a Christian to be a witness in his name. I do not claim to
have all the answers, but I know God and Jesus Christ are my refuge. Keep throwing your
stones because I don't care what people think about me being a Jesus freak. I'm not one
for hiding the truth. I'll pray for you Matt.
Hi, this, is most likely going to backfire badly, but i feel this needs to be
addressed.
People are sometimes if you look for it , talking for and, against the School
for the blind. So can you feel a difference if you talk to one who have got
most of their education at one of those places?
absolutely, not in major ways, but it is still showing, in as Minkx says , social
cues, things they respond with, etc lack of knowledge you would think they
had, taken age into consideration.
One funny thing i have noticed here on the zone is, the constant bashing at
each other like a flockin' of Dogs leading to dominate the other dogs. People
are different, a girl from New york will most likely , well hopefully in fact have
another view than a gal from the south, right?
Nothing wrong in that, you have country girls, and you have city girls.
you can take the girl out of the country but, not take the country outta a girl,
but then again, why on earth would you want too.
Then we have the people who never leaves the computer, cool, you are not
brave enough to venture out into the world, for what ever reason, if it works
for you, be happy, but understand the fact that equal kids, play best.
The other day me and Minkx talk Jeeps, and as we talk it hits me, i aint gotta
explain the difference between a land cruiser, and a jeep. And there sure as
hell aint no way she would know that from the hollow books :d
So y'all not huge on religion, cute, know that some are, and respect it.
My best advice for anyone i guess would be , learn to crawl before you can
walk.
It takes time.
From my side you have been having an adult conversation.
The thing is, people wish to state an opinion, but if that opinion is challenged, then the conversation now is attacking them, or not adult.
Anything I post as my belief, or opinion, as I have here, is now open for the next poster to disagree with, and say why.
Sometimes because of the back and forth, I personally learn something.
Sometimes even if I don't change my belief, or opinion, I can understand why another might have the view they do.
This is not a statement to attack you, so don't take it as such.
If you are looking for sympathy, or people that are 100% on your side and are going to agree with everything you say, you must seek out people who already think as you do, or who will tell you what you want to hear, not need to hear, because they don't wish to hurt your feelings, or really don't care that you learn anything.
You can't get 100% sympathy from a board.
I believe you were seeking sympathy, but it won’t happen.
If you truly want to learn, or get different views on a subject, then you've done good,. If not, no.
You personally attack people with being Christian. Is that fair?
I was raised a Christian, so that gives me the excuse to tell you all you are going to hell and you cannot disagree with me, because, I’m Christian.
No, it doesn’t work that way.
Now I’ve had my say, I believe I’ll continue to sit on my ass at my computer.
It is comfortable for the time being here.
Smile.
In retrospect, I probably ought to have not poked my nose in and commented. From where I am, it can never be done right on these types of threads.
Hmm, interesting how the beginning of this board post talks about how someone is upset with other people causing drama only to see this same person create drama by personally attacking other people who share different views. Sounds real mature to me. I thought the Christian Bible said something along the lines of practice what you preach. Or was it kill them with kindness? I honestly cannot remember.
I honestly wish this was heard from the writer's actual voice. I'm not saying anyone is
going to hell. I am by no means God or Christ. This has been a great learning experience,
so I thank you all for it. l
First of all i thank god for the fact that i found You, with that being said, i find
it interesting that so many people in here says ,something , with out being
able too remember it. Sounds really childlike to me, But of course that could
be the case.
Im not sure that Minx actually talks about drama, if that was the case a more
logic place to put it was the drama debate, where last i looked people was
bashing on a girl for recording her self Peeing, i mean, get real?
This site never stops to amuse me.
This bord didn't start as drama, and can remain without it if we just exchange views.
Agree or disagree, that is all they are, views.
I agree with Wayne. Seems to me that the goal of a few posters on this topic is to be derogatory toward all males and I find that absurd. When I go into a relationship, I am not forced, that is, I do it willingly and as a mature responsible adult, should be prepared to accept the outcome. Rarely, is it the fault of only one person when a relationship fails. So placing the blame totally on the other person is just not fair or reasonable. I do understand what some are saying about all males being no good, but I just don't happen to agree with that opinion. I too have had my share of bad relationships in my life and hopefully have learned from those mistakes and benefitted by making better choices and decisions before entering another relationship. Seems to me that that frame of mind is more likely to lead to a healthier happier relationship for me in the future.
Trust me even though I'm being urged by a friend to answer other board topics I refuse to
do it. I've learned how stupid it was to bring up this topic.I'm tired of playing the
telephone game, and having my thoughts and words twisted and misconstrued for me. I
do not hate any man. Not even my ex any longer. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I
have much larger problems than people on the net not wanting to be my friends. I think
it's awesome if you do, but I've never been popular, and I don't give a damn about a bad
reputation. Every man who responded to this saying I made too much of a fuss over it is
right. I'm an adult, and I haven't handled this situation like one. I'm sorry, but I've grown
tired of this subject, and am ready to move on from it.
Uh huh. You keep saying that, then you come right back.
Well at least she is honest and open about it , and not like other married
males PMing girls telling them their sexuality is a Shame Stick that one ,
Saying you're done with a subject, then continuously coming back to post about that same subject, is not honest.
Look, I understand needing to get things off someone's chest, but don't bother saying you're done, when you clearly A, still wanna talk about said thing, or B, just like seeing what people are still saying on the topic you created. Those things are fine, but either shut up and don't say you're done, or when you say you're done, let that be the end of things.
Sometimes, some people are never really done.